Friday, September 30, 2016

The Body

Elle Macpherson aka "The Body"
The body is a source of sheer delight and immense disappointment. It is unique to each of us. It can be sculpted and it can change its shape without warning. We are its master and its victim.

Elle Macpherson was known as "The Body" after hers graced the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue again and again, meanwhile Jesse "The Body" Ventura used his on the battlefield, the wrestling ring, and the political arena.

The body of a newborn begins its journey to the body of an octogenarian. The intricate systems of the body keep it moving from start to finish, through shrieks of agony and pulsating electric shocks from the embrace of a lover.

It appears in scripture and in strip malls. It's in our work. It is the one thing you know best and hardly at all. We stare at it in the mirror and we stare at other versions on the beach or in the gym. At times, we covet it like a jewel.

Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Artists opine about the beauty of a body in masculine and feminine form. Scientists dissect it. Athletes push it to the limits. You and I touch it and sometimes invite others to do so as well. A pat on the back, a handshake, a different kind of shake, an embrace, a violent push. We adorn armor to protect it. We chose clothes that flatter its shape and keep it warm and safe from the elements. We shield it from the sun and bask in its rays. We manufacture a prosthetic to replace a piece that was once there or perhaps never at all.

The body is a tool to lay, move, gather, cook, hold, hit, drive, jump, stand, run ...

The body is sexy. The curves of a woman in clothes that cling or nothing at all. The broad shoulders of a man drawing the letter V at a tapered waist. The body seeks other bodies to reproduce more and more bodies.

For those whose body has been dormant, push it. For those whose body has been sore, heal it. For those whose body draws attention, flaunt it. For those whose body is healthy, appreciate it. For those whose body won't agree, convince it. For those whose body has been laid to rest, may it rest in peace.


/EDITOR'S NOTE: "The Body" was written by request for DELve Mag . It is syndicated here by its author, Weird Long Beard Press/

Friday, August 12, 2016

Working Man Blues

When that odd day comes
and I'm finally out of debt
I shall sit in a soft chair and
light up a cigarette
I will enjoy a good smoke
then I'll let out a sigh as
I think of all the days worked
and the time gone by
The bills will be paid
my stomach well fed
I'll watch some TV
before I go to bed
and dream of all the things I have
and those I should get
and in no time at all
I'll be back in debt.

                                  Aug. 24, 1997

Other poems:

Mourn the Slain

The Words


The Good Outweighs the Bad Fifty-Fifty


Friday, July 29, 2016

Ireland Baldwin Treats Us to a Lady Picture Show on the Heels of Dylan Penn

Far from a rude, thoughtless little pig, Ireland Baldwin will appear in a "some like it hot" portfolio by Arthur Belebeau in the number 11 issue of Treats! Magazine on the 4" heels of Dylan Penn who appeared in the number seven issue. Seven or 11 is quite a come out roll for the luscious pair who continue their ascendancy and are no longer a secretCheck it out:

Ireland Baldwin, Treats! Magazine, Issue 11.

Ireland Baldwin, Treats! Magazine, Issue 11.

Ireland Baldwin, Treats! Magazine, Issue 11.

Ireland Baldwin, Treats! Magazine, Issue 11.

Friday, July 08, 2016

Mourn the Slain

Mourn the slain
of every color and domain
Oppose the violent and profane
and wisdom of the criminally insane
Violence begets violence, there ain't no gain
Tyrannical politics fanning the flame
No common decency to ease the pain
Just surging hatred toward fellow man
In the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave
Nobody's right unless someone is wrong
Each one of us deciding who does belong
Not a different tribe or religion
Blindness stands in way of our Founders' vision
that we are endowed by our Creator
Who sent forth a lover, not a hater
Who stood only as tall as the smallest one
and told us to love each and everyone
But we keep trucking a different lane
At speeds too fast to mourn the slain
and foot too heavy to hit the break
and a fury too blind to see our mistake

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Loss for Words

Image courtesy of  Weird Long Beard Press.
Loss for words
Planting grass seed for birds
Picking up doggie turds
Outside in the sun

Can not think
Ground needs a drink
Birds don't blink
Kids shrieking with fun

Pause to breathe ...
Birds starting to leave
Kids start to believe
New green grass will come

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Matt Harvey: The Dark Knight of Gotham Will Rise

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
People of Gotham, have you lost your Vulcan minds? Mets fans, have you been infiltrated by front-runners who switch their allegiance as casually as they transfer from the 4-train to the 7-train? Have we collectively sunk into deep despair as we watch the villains pillage our city in the absence of its protector?

Indeed, we have.

We've seen the movie before. It was released in 2012, the very same year Matt Harvey first took the mound in Gotham Citi Field and gave the few who still believed, hope. He put the franchise on his shoulders and was invincible. He wrestled headlines and models away from the Yankees Captain and brought back a swagger reminiscent of his Hall of Fame predecessors Tom Seaver and Mike Piazza. He walked the tightrope and he did backflips on it with the snap of his cape before disappearing into the shadows to await the next arrival of would-be assassins from DC, Philly and The Bronx. If he let up just one run, the fat lady would sing in her operatic voice.

How many games have we watched where Matt Harvey was brilliant while his teammates flailed at the plate, unable to scratch out a base runner, let alone a run. As if the lack of offense wasn't enough, his teammates would crack under the pressure of a routine pop fly, a tailor-made double-play ground ball or a Little League throw from first place to home plate. Did he complain? No. He simply asked for the ball and another chance to take the hill and carry the gigantic load his teammates, his franchise and his city placed upon him.

Now, Atlas, it's time to shrug.

Matt Harvey of the New York Mets
The booing after the debacle against Washington and the swelling negativity from the Mets in their own broadcast booth has reached a fever pitch. Like the movie, the hero has become the villain and the city has turned its back on him. The chorus of boos bleeds into anarchy until the hero vanishes and begins to question himself and his ability. He retreats to the cave while the larger-than-life image thrust upon him is incinerated in the streets amidst mayhem and lawlessness. He wrestles with his own self doubt until he stares at himself in the mirror unvarnished. Then, like the Phoenix, he rises from the ashes with a fury, stronger, more powerful than ever before to save his city from itself.

Among the boos and the naysayers you'll find the You Gotta Believers. They'll be wearing a mustard splattered jersey with the top two buttons undone and the number 33 on their backs. They will gather behind their leader with the indomitable knowledge that giving him the ball when he extends his right hand is the same as Commissioner Gordon climbing to the top of police headquarters to send his signal over Gotham.

Sunday, April 03, 2016

Who Is the Girl in the El Dorado Spa Resorts & Hotels by Karisma TV Ad?

Often times a long journey can lead you back to the beginning. Such was the case in my quest to uncover the model featured in the El Dorado Spa Resorts & Hotels by Karisma TV ad.
Katie Luddy for El Dorado Maroma
You know the one, she's wearing a white string bikini, leaning against a four-poster bed on a sandy beach, watching a man in blue boardshorts approach. It's a stunning ad, produced by Dorn Martell from Tinsley Advertising with original music by John Jay Martyn and Jimi Ruccolo on guitar. I uncovered all of these contributors, including the voice-over-artist, Jodi Krangle, in my search for the woman in the white bikini.

What prompted me to set sail on this odyssey? While the sensuous ad targeting the luxury traveler was the vehicle, the catalyst was as ancient as Helen of Troy, desire.

"I wish that was my butt," said my wife. 

"Me, too," I said. But whose butt is it?

Katie Luddy for El Dorado Maroma
A Google search led to countless other searches, taking apart the ad over and over again on YouTube, going through stacks of portfolios on Instagram of models featured under the #karismaexperience banner, all to no avail. The pursuit was maddening. I'd throw my hands up in disgust or pause due to waning battery power. If I was researching a cure for cancer, one might understand my being overzealous, but the owner of a perfect posterior? It was crazy.

I was beaten. My ego was bruised. I pressed on.

With many unsolved mysteries, one has to assemble evidence and weigh it against the known facts to draw a conclusion. Even when this occurs, the researcher is always haunted by a lingering doubt, how can I be sure?

My conclusion is that the woman in the white bikini is 27-year-old model Katie Luddy from Rochester, NY via Miami, FL. While I have written to Katie via comment on Instagram, I haven't heard back (I completely understand, there are a lot of creeps and weirdos online). And so, dear reader, I submit my evidence for you to see for yourself.

Katie Luddy via Facebook from April 2014
The long journey to uncover the woman in the white bikini has ended. It spanned several continents, multiple locations and many languages before leading me back to Katie Luddy, who, as it turns out, is a fellow alumnus of the University at Buffalo, where she studied architecture and design before moving to Miami to allow the world to study her own architecture and design. 

After all of this toil and the satisfaction of a job-well-done from my wife, I could use a vacation.

If only I knew where to go.

Katie Luddy by Max Foto Sudios

Katie Luddy has the last laugh via Instagram