Sunday, February 22, 2015

Top Five Famous People From South Huntington, N.Y.

Number 5 - Darren Goldstein - Oscar, the guy you love to hate in The Affair.

Darren Goldstein

 Number 4 - Tom Gugliotta - Michael Jordan once said Googs reminded him of a young Larry Bird.

Tom Gugliotta, Phoenix Suns

Number 3 - LP - Bad-ass rock-n-rolla.

LP

Number 2 - Gerry Cooney - "The Great White Hope" fought for the Heavyweight Championship of the World in 1982.

Gerry Cooney vs. Larry Holmes, Las Vegas,1982

Number 1 - Walt Whitman - Everything in town is named after The Good Gray Poet, including this blog.

Walt Whitman


Saturday, February 21, 2015

Top Five Hollywood Bombshells Named Olivia

Number 5 - Olivia d'Abo - Also known as Karen Arnold in The Wonder Years.

Olivia d'Abo
Number 4 - Olivia de Havilland - Also known as Melanie Hamilton in Gone with the Wind.

Olivia de Havilland
 Number 3 - Olivia Newton-John - Also known as Sandy in Grease.

Olivia Newton-John

Number 2 - Olivia Munn - Also know as Sloane Sabbith in The Newsroom.

Olivia Munn

Number 1 - Olivia Wilde - Also known as Suzy Miller in Rush.

Olivia Wilde

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Worry

I'm worried this won't come out right.
I worry that I eat too much and drink too much.
I worry that I'm not getting my money's worth.
I lie awake at night worrying about not getting enough sleep.
I worry that I'll say the wrong things or that I won't say anything at all.
I'm worried that people will see the real me and not like him.
I'm worried that I'm not as good as I think I am.
I'm worried about not enough time and not enough money.
I worry that I've made the wrong decision every time I get dressed.
I worry that my sons are going to turn out like me.
I worry that they will learn as I did, the hard way.
I worry that I haven't learned enough.
I worry about who may read this and who may not.
I worry that the joke is on me.
I worry about the outcome of football games even when I don't bet.
I worry that I've made the wrong decision at the checkout line.
I worry about home invasion and infestation.
I worry that I may lose control.
I worry that I that I was never in control.
I worry that I'm not as sophisticated as I need to be.
I'm worried that I'm not rugged enough.
I worry about getting old.
I worry about saying goodbye and saying hello.
I worry that people I know won't remember.
I worry that I won't remember.
I worry about paying the hard price for telling the truth.
I worry about being eaten by sharks.
I worry that I worry too much.
I worry that if I ran out of worry, I'd really be worried.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Winter's Coming

The hyperactive squirrels have been working overtime gathering their harvest for the winter and driving my retriever nuts as they always appear just out of reach.

On the road, there was a squirrel whose crossing ended midstream with a shattered acorn beyond its frozen grasp. Consumed with preparations for the future, the present blindsided it with swift, silent speed.

Halloween is a reminder of the grim worm-eaten world beneath our feet, rising up to cast its shadow in the overheard illumination we've constructed to ward off such creatures of the dark.

Winter's coming. Gather the game and the wood and the spirits and the furs and do your best to hide from those things that go bump in the night.

(Insert Vincent Price laugh here.)

Boo!

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Liz Cho and Josh Elliott Are Engaged

Liz Cho and Josh Elliott are engaged according to Page Six and People. I guess some guys do in fact have all the luck. Weird Long Beard Press wishes them the best!

Liz Cho and Josh Elliott.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Awkward

Awkward is defined as lacking ease of grace in movement or expression. It can be a moment or an absolute as in chemistry. I'm no stranger to awkward.

Anna Kournikova
Exit the front door of my house and turn right with my dog comfortably ahead on his extended leash. He's on a mission, pulled by a scent I can not detect. I affix my bleary eyes and labored breath on this humid day to a vision of Anna Kournikova headed my way with an equally attractive Golden Retriever pup in tow.

We draw near, it's not Anna Kournikova, but a younger, taller version who seems nervous at the sight of me and my eager Labrador.

"He's friendly," I say.

Just then, my dog lunges at the beautiful pup who side steps and pounces on him in a fury of wagging tails and gaping, playful mouths. Their leashes bind together and suddenly I'm playing Twister with this long-legged woman in short shorts and tank top and there goes my flip flop and I'm all bedhead and morning breath, bloated from years of over indulgence when I nearly lose my balance and fall back like a sea crab exposed to the vulturous gulls circling above. This woman somersaults in mid-air while throwing one leash over the other and frees herself and her pup as she has freed her long, blond hair from frizz on this muggy day. I regain my composure with the grace of a Weeble wobble and fill the momentary silence with: "Beautiful ... I mean, she's beautiful ... the dog, um, what's her name?"

We continue on our circuitous route toward home when our paths cross again. This time the woman has her back turned to me, her dog held near and my head is down, firmly fixed on the ground, keep walking, boy, keep walking ...

Awkward.

Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Write What You Know

"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know." - Ernest Hemingway

Nature kills, human nature, too, I wish that wasn't true.

"This above all - to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man." - Shakespeare, Hamlet

There was a man who cut in front of me at a crowded rooftop bar overlooking the Chrysler Building which popped against the deep blue Manhattan sky on a pleasant summer night. I brought it to his attention and he shrugged his shoulders. I recalled the wisdom of Queen Elizabeth, who when asked what lesson was the most important to learn in life replied, good manners.

"I don't know much, but I know I love you." - Written by Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil and Tom Snow. Performed by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville. 

I was sitting beneath a tree having lunch on the campus of a large corporation when I called home. My mother and father, sister, nephew, wife and sons were 53.8 miles away from me and contemplating ordering Chinese food. I would have swum the Sound for an egg roll.