Man Escapes Office Run by Zombies

NEW YORK, Jan. 31 -- A young man was rescued from a local business in Midtown yesterday that was run by brain-eating zombies.

"At first I didn't realize I was among the undead. There was not a lot of chit chat in the office and coworkers seemed to stare blankly at their screens all day. It was similar to my last job," he said.

The young man would see coworkers assemble and leave the office together around lunchtime, but only a few would return. These coworkers along with his managers often walked by him as if he was invisible.  
Image credit: Daniel Hollister | Flickr

"I said hello to one woman each day who was always standing by the coffee machine, although no coffee ever seemed to come out of it," he said. 

He reports the work was mindless and that his biggest challenge was remembering his Windows login. 

"When I'd struggle to remember my password, a crowd of coworkers would gather near my cubicle and grunt at one another, but once I logged in, they'd vanish," he said. 

It was when the young man had trouble with his login and called tech support that a coworker lunged at him from a nearby cubicle. 

"She was trying to bite me," he said

When he ran to human resources to report the incident, other coworkers poured out of meeting rooms and offices giving chase. When he got there, the administrators leaped across their desks firing employee manuals toward his head. He was able to duck down and exit through a nearby fire escape out to the street. 

"I thought the incident was strange, but I still wasn't sure if I had to report back the next day," he said.

After describing the scene to a friend, the young man alerted the authorities who discovered the office was a zombie lair. 

The NYPD held a press conference saying that zombies were hiring young, unsuspecting professionals to feed on their brains and incorporate them into their occult.

"Once the supply of new brains ran low, all hell broke loose," said Sergeant O'Leary.  He cautioned citizens that other zombie dens were likely in operation, luring new hires to join their "growing company."